Greetings From Pluto

On Sept 13, 2006 The International Astronomical Union created an official definition of what classified a planet, which was weird, because planets have been around for a long time, and you would think someone would have gotten to that by then. Unfortunately, no one had and once the hammer came down, Pluto was hit the hardest.

I thought about that as I read over my little blog post from last week-or, more importantly, my blog title.

I titled this blog “Back of the Class” because that is where I sat throughout most of my education. As you may imagine, I was not a straight A student and to be honest, I would have settled for straight Cs.

I have romanticized the notion of the kids who sit in the back of the class. In my head, we were the misunderstood rebels who didn’t need to rollover for the teachers, or feed into the system’s conveyor belt mentality toward education. We were different, we had real ideas, and we could see through the bullshit, man!

It was with this thought in mind that I chose this blog’s moniker. Unfortunately, my stupid brain couldn’t leave well enough alone and I started thinking.

My thoughts turned to those wretched years inside of the Florida State Educational system, and about my life on the outside. I thought about the string of bad choices that eventually led to me being 32 and working as a Customer Service Rep for an online high-end clothing retailer.

Then my thoughts turned to Pluto.

It occurred to me that, like Pluto, I have always been on the outside. In school, I was the weird kid, who was barely getting by. My mind would wander during lessons, and by the time I got back, we were onto another subject. The other kids seemed to always know what was expected of them. What the assignments were. What was due and when. We may have been given a syllabus, but as I stared down onto that piece of paper, it might as well have been written in Sanskrit, because the information, to me, was indecipherable.

I suppose I may be classified now as having ADD, but back then, they just gave you safety scissors and made sure you didn’t spend too much time with the paste.

The other kids seemed to know what clothes to wear, what shows to watch, and what books to read. I had no clue what was happening in popular culture and even today, I find myself scrolling through Internet, wondering to myself, “what is a Lady Gaga?”


So, upon examining my fondness for this Blog title I have uncovered another layer of self-loathing. Which, to be honest, is not very hard. That’s kind of like finding a raisin in a newly opened box of raisins. That is to say, yeah, there are going to be raisins in there.

“The Back of the Class”. Why did I always sit in the back of the class?

I did not choose the back of the class because I was intent on pointing out all the hypocrisies of the world. I have no wish to be the plucky young fool whom sticks his tongue out at all of the mediocrity the world has to offer.

No, I am neither that brave nor that noble. I kept towards the back because I was too afraid to sit up front. I did not participate in school because I could not bear to be embarrassed.

Like Pluto, I was on the edges of a solar system and did not know how to break in.

In 2006, I had been living in New York City for a little more than two years. In that time, my comedy career had totally faded away, I was still reeling from the end of a long and tempestuous relationship, and I was completely broke and alone in New York City.

If Pluto had been downgraded, I had been practically demolished.

Whatever feelings of alienation I may have suffered as a teenager were now turned up to 11! More than ever, I felt cut off from society and I had no idea how or if I would ever get back.

Over time, things got better bit-by-bit. I am in a loving, healthy relationship. We live together in Park Slope. We have a cute little cat named Facita.

I have a job!

Oh, it is not an ideal job. Not by a long shot.

But, I am catching up on bills. And while I have said goodbye to a comedy career, I have finally been able to pause and take a breath. I have the opportunity to reevaluate. I don’t know what is on the horizon, but for the first time in years I don’t fear it.

At work, I still don’t quite feel right. It is hard for me to break into that world. Maybe because this is the closest I have ever been to having an office job. I have a little cubicle and everything. I even have a drawer where I can put stuff.

Like being back in school, everyone seems to know what’s going on. They seem to have a grip on things. They al have the jargon down. They know the score. They know what the initials for the acronyms for the jargon means!

Meanwhile, I am just trying to get by and seem normal.

As always, I am floating on the outer edges, hoping to get a glimpse of the sun’s warm glow.