The IFAd

Well, the IPad has been out for over a week now, and despite what we have been led to believe by the media, the human race has not entered into a period of enlightenment and beauty heralded by angels and a cleansing light. That will probably happen for the next generation IPad.

Seriously, though, the news coverage for the IPad was nuts! That thing was getting so much coverage, I thought maybe Tiger Woods had sex with it.

It made the cover of Time and Newsweek! Just to get a sense of context, The most recent person to make both of those covers was Barack Obama. Are you telling me this thing is as newsworthy as electing the first black president of the United States of America? How do you think Obama feels about that?

That would be like if someone came up to you and said you are one the wittiest, cleverest, and most original comedians they have ever seen, then overhearing that person a few seconds later say the same thing to George Lopez, you know what I mean?

Now, for the device itself, it has gotten some pretty good reviews, but for the most part it is pretty impractical. Some day, after they work out some of the kinks, it could be a real game changer, but for now it is Basically just like having a large Ipod touch. Which I think is pretty weird. For two decades, everyone has been trying to make computers smaller, but now Apple releases this thing that is 4 times larger than an existing product. It’s like they are so cocky they are releasing items and daring people to buy them. Their next phone is going to be the IRotary.

Is it cool? Yeah, I guess so. It’s not very practical, though. If you already have a laptop and an Ipod, it it pretty unnecessary. And there are a lot of limitations. It doesn’t support Flash, the virtual keyboard is not very responsive, you can’t work from it because it doesn’t have any of the software to get things done. It…it…

Oh God, I want one!

I mean have you seen it? It’s like someone turned sex into a machine!

Now, do I need it? of course not! but it’s kind of like dating Megan Fox, oh sure it’s stupid and will probably make me miserable, but it’s so hot!

I think they could have chosen a better release date though.

Around 212,000 people will be losing their unemployment benefits this week. That’s just cruel you know. That’s like someone deciding to start a Stable Ground Festival and holding it in Chile.

But I feel bad for those unemployed people. I was unemployed for a while and If they are anything like me when my benefits ran out, that can mean only one thing: time to start looking for a job!

And I would like to give a quick pep talk to some of you out there who my be unemployed:

Listen, we all know it’s tough out there. Oh sure, you are unemployed now and probably incredibly broke. But you have also been stayin up late, sleeping in, and drinking PBR when you go out at night. Basically you have been living like a college student, but without those tiresome classes getting in the way.

Now, I know you don’t want to go back to work. They will expect you to come in at the ungodly hour of 9 am-or earlier! They will probably expect you to wear some kind of humiliating uniform-or worse-khakis!

But the good news is: after a while, you’ll pay off those credit cards you’ve been living off of, save up a little cash and at that glorious moment you will be able to march right into your nearest apple dealer and buy yourself a new Ipad. And for a good week, you will be happy.

Of course, after the novelty wears off, you will be right back in the crap again. But, oh what a week!